Do you fire an assistant to please your spouse?

I’ve been thinking about this situation all weekend.

http://www.mercurynews.com/nation-world/ci_23648763/dentist-can-fire-assistant-because-shes-too-attractive

I’m at a kid’s party this afternoon (my daughter was invited to a birthday party) and the adults sit and chat while the kids are playing. And we start dicussing this issue. Set aside the legal/illegal aspects of what the denist did for one moment, set aside how the dental assistant feels about all of this (because her feelings aren’t really relevant at the moment) and try to imagine that you are married to this denist. Your spouse comes home one day and admits to you that he or she is starting to have intimate thoughts about a subordinate in the office. That is a real risky thing to do, something that only the strongest of marriages would be able to handle. Nothing has happened (yet) but your spouse is all but telling you that he or she MIGHT act on this if given the chance. So (because you love your spouse) you tell him or her that the dental assistant has got to go. Terminate the employment.

Would you do that? Is that a rational reaction?

Moreover, you are the denist. Your you just admitted that your hormones are going wild working with this woman. She leans in close and holds the suction tube and the floride and instead of focusing on the drill in your hand, you are staring down your dental assistant’s shirt and looking at the boobies. You can’t get her out of your mind, you know that you can’t resist, but you don’t want to lose your marriage over this. So you tell your wife. And your wife says to you, you want to stay happily married, let her go.

Would you do that? Is that a rational response to her reaction?

We like to think that as human beings living in the civilized world that we are so sophisticated and responsible that we would never act out on the most primal of instincts. All we have to do is talk about our feelings with the ones we love and listen to their concerns and everything would go alright. But that is clearly not the case here. Here we have a man saying he wants to f-&k his dental assistant and his wife is saying I KNOW you are going to f-&k her if given a chance, you better let her go right now. There is no fooling around here, fix this problem before it becomes a real problem, (nip it in the bud so to speak.) But by doing this, both parties are freely admitting that #1) she can’t trust him and #2) he should not be trusted. And they found their marriage on these parameters.

That doesn’t sound very healthy to me. But far be it for me to sit there and analyze their marriage. If this is what works for them then…. do what you have to do to make it work.

The question remains, do you fire an assistant to please your spouse? This could happen for any of us (that are married) if we found our subordinate attractive. I have an administative assistant. She does not work entirely for me (I share her with other people on my team) but I can make requests of her to help in my tasks at work. I can’t imagine my life such that I would find any assistant of mine attractive enough to jeapordize my marriage to wife (the way this dentist did) but if I did, and I told her about it, should I have my assistant fired?

Or are we (as sophisticated human beings living in the civilized world) expected to control our sexual urges and to simply “disconnect” those primal desires to protect the feelings of the ones we love?

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7 responses to “Do you fire an assistant to please your spouse?”

  1. casparreyes says :

    The lesson I learned through hard experience is that your wife must not be privy to your intimate sexual temptations. Whatever you say WILL be used against you, even ten or twenty years later.

    Not only that, but someone who essentially knows no sexual desire at all will simply not understand the level of temptation that you live with 24/7. She knows intellectually that “men struggle with the eyes”, but doesn’t understand viscerally that B1#CH, I would bang that waitress on the table and pump her full of my man-seed RIGHT F**KING NOW and SHE WANTS IT, TOO!! But I come home to YOU and to “but we just had sex a couple nights ago,” which is, being interpreted, “TWO F**KING WEEKS”!!

    The advice to be accountable to your wife for your thought life was one of the two most poisonous pieces of marriage advice to come to me as a young married man and which I took to heart, not knowing any better. The other was that if she is not happy, then the problem is YOU. These together were the death of happiness for me. Empath and Dalrock have nicely addressed these issues; I still struggle.

    • innocentbystanderboston says :

      We all struggle but we do the best we can. In this instance, the best the dentist could do is to fire his employee. I think that is harsh but I’m going to guess that most of the women who saw that article thought that was the correct action.

  2. innocentbystanderboston says :

    James Kilmeady, please stop sending in the nasty posts. They will never be approved.

  3. Jen says :

    I have thought about this story, also. Mainly, I have wondered why the man told his wife he was attracted to one of his female employees? Isn’t this something that men, in Western society, learn to cope with? (I would be curious to know if this man was an immigrant from a country with different cultural views?) My husband works with attractive women. I would not think it moral to fire one because he found her irresistible. It is the man’s responsibility to channel those thoughts to productive activities. On the other hand, it is the wife’s responsibility to keep herself attractive, so she will, hopefully, be the object of his affection. That is the best way for a wife to “mate guard” – take care of herself and remain as attractive as possible. Trying to remove every other attractive woman is not possible and sounds very exhausting!

    • innocentbystanderboston says :

      I think he told his wife (probably) because he did something bad in the past and made a promise (to her) to not repeat this behavior. That seems more likely. And so now the situation arises, he tells her,a nd she instructs him to fire his assistant. That would be my guess.

      • Jen says :

        I just looked at the linked story; I had read about this story elsewhere. The dental assistant is married with two children! So, what was he thinking? It is a weird story with many unaddressed possibilities. I still think it is immoral, yet perfectly within his rights as the owner of the dental practice, to fire her.

  4. innocentbystanderboston says :

    Yes it is within his right to fire her. And he was thining with his wrong head.

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